There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
