I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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