he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
