I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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