Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
