I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
