im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
