dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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