that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
