He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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