the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
