So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
