There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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