My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
