Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
