Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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