no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
