Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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