That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my being single is dangerous.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
