As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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