At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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