This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
