what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
