Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
