Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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