apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
