you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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