READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
