He disabled his match.com account in front of me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
