I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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