I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
