Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
