i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
