you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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