So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
