guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
