i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
