question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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