I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize