You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
