I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
