I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
