sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
