I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
