All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
