I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
