My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's shark week go big or go home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
