You made me cry and you don't even care
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
