Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
