New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize