the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
