I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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