some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
