I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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