Where is the hickey?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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