Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
