There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
