Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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