You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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