I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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