Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im part way to drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
