2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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