So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize