I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
