I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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