Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
