I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
